Wha' is wuv?
I read the Wired article about Craigslist, so I decided to putter about, taking in the text. I looked in on the psychology forums and found a post by
There are some emotions that are quite vague to me and it seems like my misunderstanding and/or misinterpretation of what they are is getting in the way of my social interests. The one emotion I have never felt is what people call love. I have always enjoyed doing certain things and once in a while I feel the urge to fuck but I have never felt love. This guy I know says its the greatest feeling in the world and once you have it nothing else matters. Personally I have always thought of love as an excuse for human incompetence but maybe it is real. If you have any kind of information that can help me feel this love and adopt a healthy appetite and ambition towards attaining and preserving such emotion please let me know. Also, once this love is attained what are the physical feelings and / or thought processes (mental benefits) that come with it? Is it the same feeling I get after finishing an extremely cheap and hard 2d sidecrolling game for the original nintendo without getting hit? or the same feeling you get after having sex after going like 4 years without it? or is it like a funny feeling?? like when maury reads out lie detector tests????? I really dont understand love maybe somebody from these forums can provide me with the relevant information needed to establish and integrate more socially appealing habits. I dont understand how people have girlfriends / boyfriends and marriages or any of it. I just dont get it.
And my reply:
This is a rather high level question to ask on a totally unmoderated forum. Nevertheless, I offer my response. Mind, I have not experienced classical romantic love, but can sense enough consistency in the many proffered descriptions to describe the concept subjectively.
Your admission of misinterpretation is apt, as love is not a discrete sensation. Consider, for example, the various forms of love. The perhaps grateful love of a child is different from the love the parent builds up for that child in the many years of coaxing and support. Peers surviving and relying on one another in stressful situations (the Discovery channel show, The Colony showcased this in a simulated refugee group) can come to call one another family. Romantic love shares these elements of reliance and altruism with another.
Less abstractly, (new) couples are addicted to one another, in a mostly literal sense. Both deeply desire the other's company and often think of the other when separated. Perhaps there is lust, but that does not typify the whole experience. Anticipation of meetings plays a part. Gratified surprise can play a part when gifted an experience.
Generally, partners cool down from their initial high and concentrate on integrating one another into their respective social circle and activities. (Sometimes nervous) anticipation crops up again; will my partner take to my friend/hobby/parents. Compatibility - or even good natured compromise - evokes more gratification. Mundane conversations offer more, lesser opportunities for pleasant surprises or even benevolent challenges.
Perhaps the relation continues for years and is socially declared with marriage. Their love often changes (gradually) again. Now they may surprise one another less (oh, dreaded routine) but emphasize reliance on one another. This especially comes into play if they sire progeny. “Your turn to feed him/er; oh, you signed her/im up for that activity, how sweet.” Further, they may feel some admiration for one another as they grow with their children or perhaps even with their peers. Their shared history stands as a very strong tie. Divorcees particularly complain of the break. Most of their possessions, great and trivial, call the other to mind. All their anecdotes involve the partner to some degree and often directly so because the shared experiences are more memorable. The narrative continues, but I don't really consume media (books, movies) treating mature couples, nor are they within my social circle.
Obviously, the preceding only treats the positive experiences of a romantic relationship. Partners find and confront previously established incompatibilities within one another and, perhaps, their social circle. People may fail to achieve these levels of union and separate. Or one feels more strongly than the other and they confront their different standards of commitment. A crush provides a shadow of love in its anticipations but can not reach reliance elements short of establishing a ‘deeper' relationship.
This amplifies my - derived - contention that love is none of the things you mentioned and may resemble all three. Love is a single word for a diverse, dynamic concept. It refers to the narrative formed by all those episodes provoking dopamine, adrenaline, testosterone/estrogen, and many others. The difficulties can sweeten the resurgences. Love is not climax, sexual or metaphorical. Romantic love, and the others to some degree, is the hope and confrontation of unpredictability in a person who you trust.
At least, that's what I gather.